Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize