I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You are a genius and a whore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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