I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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