K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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