YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
