sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want a musical about memes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
