i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
