I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Two words: blizzard sex
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
