went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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