At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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