I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
