I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
