dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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