Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You ruined the universe
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
