i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
