I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
