you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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