It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
