you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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