yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
