i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
