The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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