we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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