I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dick very happy bro
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
