Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
