This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize