My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
