We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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