his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
