She's JV to your varsity
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
