You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
