Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
