my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
