yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
