so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
