Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
