Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
