walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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