Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
