I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
