I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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