That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
cat food counts as protein by the way
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize