you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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