There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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