is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
