Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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