my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
