My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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