operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
