happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
