yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize