Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize