On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
