i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize