Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want nice things and good sex
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
