Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
