we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
