I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So vagazzling was a success
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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