I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
