i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
