Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
