We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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