dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
