hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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