if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
