I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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