i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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