i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize