Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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