So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
