you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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