it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
