Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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